Well lately I’ve been working non-stop to get to where i need to be in life. I haven’t had much time to take care of myself in the fun category. I’m constantly on the road from hotel to hotel, city to city and occasionally back home. I make others happy but at the end of the day I’m left alone and poorly maintained. Throughout my journey I’ve learned to love myself. Some may say im a little conceited but thats not what i call it. I call it self love. Most ppl wouldn’t know what that is because they care so much about what others think that they forget that at the end of the day all they got is themselves. In fact, everyone is selfish. Everyone has had a moment where they have only thought of themselves and not cared about others well being. A moment where they could care less if a certain person got hit by a car or stabbed in an alley. But noone wants to admit it nowndays. Why? I have the slightest clue. Me personally, im an open book. Im very nonchalant and dont care what ppl think about me. Yeah i may write in urban slang or not spell everything correctly. It doesnt matter at all. Why? Because nobodys perfect no matter how they try and act like they are.
You may not care for this post maybe because you are one of these ppl im referencing. I say this to say we are all human and are gonna make mistakes. Some more than others. Again nobodys perfect and we all should strive to be the best we can possibly be. As always thanx for reading verbal truth!
Currently I want to do something I’ll regret but I cant because jail is not for me,
Currently I feel like crying but that emotion shit ain’t me!
Currently there is a girl that walked out of my life because I’m nonchalant and ruthless,
Currently I don’t give a fuck because to me that ain’t where my heart is.
Currently my heart is with my son who she birthed but I barely get to see,
Currently I wish I could take him away and make her hurt like she’s doing with me!
Currently I do what I got to do because I’m a natural born hustler,
Currently and in the past I’m misunderstood I’m mentally done with the facts of love.
So currently I’m home alone laying in the tub wrist dangling over the edge,
Currently wondering how long it would take to die from these cuts as I bled!
Just touching basis on the subject a bit. I am a lesbian but i have had bfs and slept with men before. Most naive ppl think that lesbians arent lesbians because of this. Well honestly nowndays you wont find many lesbians who havent slept with men before being with a women. Society wants us to think that women should only be with a man and that its despicable for girl on girl action. I say to hell with their opinion. We are who we are and no one on this earth is the same. If you have feelings toward the same sex explore those thoughts. You never know what you might like. Or you could be like me now wishing i knew then what i knew now. My love for women wasnt a choice or phase as the older ppl say. Ive always had feelings towards women but just never explored it because of the christian household I lived in. Out of respect for my mother i deprived myself of true love and happiness at least until i moved out and went to college. I understand if your growing up with christian values as i did it could be hard for you to come out. But trust me holding it in and not expressing yourself will lead to a long road of sadness and depression. If my son ever came to me and said he was gay i would hug and tell him i support him 100%. This world could be cruel but im not gonna be one of those cruel ppl adding on to the stress of everyday life. He will know that he can always come to me and vent. Honestly i think thats what ppl need, an outlet. A way to vent and not be judged for the things they do or need help and advice with. It seems like the world is trying to change now but rome wasnt built in a day so i wont hold my breath on the matter.
Just needed to let that out….As always thanx for reading!
Well before i lay down and sleep for a couple hours i decided to get back into this blogging thing. I travel alot so im always in a hotel somewhere. Luckily this hotel has a desktop in the room so i dont have to use my tablet to type this.
Well as ive stated earlier im going to tell u guys some if not all of my past truth. In due time your eyes will light up with excitement and horror at some of the things ive said and done. Honestly dont care if im judged because i answer to no one but god. Ill try to be as descriptive as possible and try to write everyday as ive said im very busy most days. Well here it goes….
I started college at GSU august of 2007. I honestly went into it thinking i would be the best student ever. I would study hard, not do drugs, no alcohol, or no boys. I bypassed all the bad things ppl said about college as far as you get wrapped up in the party life! I was a good girl in HS i got good grades, never got suspended or had detention. Well, one time because the math teacher THOUGHT i was talking BUT I WASNT! lol But anyway overall i was no trouble maker! Boy was i wrong about college tho!
I had a long distance boyfriend who i had only seen by accident at a band competition. The first day i arrived at my off campus housing with my mother and siblings they were low key waiting on them to leave in the parking lot. My mother was SUPER excited unpacking my things, making my bed and almost didnt want to leave me but i finally convinced her to go. Literally as she was pulling out the parking lot my boyfriend and his cousin were walking up to me. Now im not gonna use anyones names for their sake. lol But my bf introduced his cousin to me and we went up stairs. We talked cracked jokes and they left. I called my mother and let her know how my first day away from home went and i went to bed.
Now i know your probably thinking booorrrriinnng. But believe me it gets crazier as my truth goes on. I have alot to tell so itll be in parts. Well getting up early in the morning so i may write more. As always thanx for reading.
Well I’m not much of a talker but I guess I’ll let y’all in on my life! Today was somewhat good but it could’ve been better! I plan on moving back to Statesboro where it all started. Where my boring life took a turn for darkness. Where a young 18 year old went from this nice quiet girl to being the biggest slut and alcoholic lesbian Georgia southern has ever seen. I’m 27 now but oh do I have a lot of stories to tell. I could write a book but that would take to much time and as of right now I have none. But back to my truth….in my mind I constantly wonder if me moving back is for a new start at a single life or another chance to right my wrongs. Very conflicted at the moment but I’m sure sometime throughout my blogging I’ll figure it out. Im not sayin its all bad but Staying in a college town has its perks. It’s cheaper rent if you want roommates and like all inclusive Incentives. Less crime going on around campus areas and new exciting ppl every year you get to meet until they graduate or transfer schools. Bad things are when the friends you click with move away because no one in there right mind wants to stay in a small college town after they’ve graduated. Then you have all the students taking up the jobs in town. Oh lets not forget ALL THE DAMN PARTYING! Now that is my biggest fear moving back there. I fear I will go back to the same partying and sex driven girl I became the first time I arrived on campus. Will I start drinking again? Will I go with and play every girl in sight? Will I become my Father’s child? Now you may have questions about that last one but believe me that’s a question for another day! And i will get to that! Hopefully blogging helps me express myself more….kinda like it. Maybe you guys can help me stay on the right path as I document my journey and experience back to where I lost it at! Thnx for reading!